Heteronormative vs. Binary

Recently, someone from my old writers group posted a question to Facebook ("Name a modern religion/cult/sect that isn't patriarchal"). Naturally, any number of us answered "Wicca" and that sparked a couple of interesting "sub-topics" in the comments thread. 

The first one isn't really part of today's installment of a Grumpy Old Witch--but I'd like to take a hundred words or so to address it, anyway, because apparently it's still a thing. Wicca is not an ancient religion. I know we call ourselves "the Old Religion". I blame Gerald for that. I think he sought to add legitimacy to what he was doing--but more than that, I believe he did believe in our ancient "roots"--but the roots don't make the tree. They're important, but the tree would just as quickly die without it's branches and leaves. And frankly, our tree is one of the youngest in the forest of religions. 

Now witchcraft (lower-case "w") is as old as human history. We've always sought a way to influence the world around us. But that's a practice, not a religion. The religion of Wicca (and yes, I firmly believe it is a religion, a view not all Wiccans share--but hey, that's cool, it goes back to that "autonomy" thing). Anyway, the religion of Wicca (it's mythos and ritual form) dates reliably back to roughly the 1940's or '50's. Half of the holidays are based on Old Celtic Festivals--but the forms we take are different. The other half is based on the solar calendar of the Druids--but again, the way we celebrate those holidays is vastly different. And frankly, it's evolving, even was I type and you read. 

And that is (in a way) what today's discussion is really about. 

In the beginning, and much to the chagrin of many modern Wiccans, Wicca was exclusively heterosexual. Seriously. Gays and lesbians need not apply (in a lot of cases, single heterosexuals need not apply), and I doubt Gerald would have known what to do with a transgender person. It's not okay, but it was the era that it was and I'm pleased to say we've come a very long way. 

Now, without stepping on those lines I talked about last time, I want to tell you a couple of thing about Wicca, just in case you're unfamiliar. Or in case you haven't thought about it (because I hadn't, until I had to.) The mythology (broadly and generally) is based around the Earth Goddess as Mother and the Sky/Sun God as Father. She is also expressed/understood as the Moon Goddess, who is Maiden/Mother/Crone; He is also expressed/understood as both the Dying-and-Resurrecting Grain God/Green Man and the Lord of the Hunt -- it's complicated. Just roll with it for a minute. Seeds are planted in the Earth, where they are warmed by the Sun, pop out of the ground, grow up and--in the case of crops in places like the UK, where this all began--are harvested for food by us humans. Some of the crop is reserved for spring planting, and of course some plants simply re-seed themselves, which our ancestors surely would have observed. That's where our Gods come from, old agricultural societies. (What makes us a "modern" religion, again, is the way we've cobbled this all together, intentionally, to form a new religion out of old ideas. Oh and while we're on the subject, the idea of Maiden-Mother-Crone isn't even remotely "ancient". We can thank Robert Graves for that one. A few "triplicates" were known to a few ancient cultures--the Fates and the Norns for example--but our interpretation of all of that is very modern.) 

Getting back on track. Seeds drop or are planted in the Earth, grow, die, and are panted/dropped again. The cycle of the growing-and-dying plants roughly follows the cycle of the waxing-and-waning sun/daylight hours. The Earth becomes both the womb and the tomb from which plants (and us) come and later go. You can probably see where several ideas may have originated, but the important one here is that Wicca was focused, from the beginning, on the cycle of planting, growth, harvest, and re-planting or re-birth. It has been, from the beginning, focused on the reproductive dynamic of the Earth Mother and Grain/Sun God, a dynamic without which we would cease to exist (or at the very least, be thrown back to a Hunter-Gatherer society.) Even in our modern era of supermarkets and mail-order meal kits, we are still dependent on the cycle of the seasons and the fertility of the Earth for our survival. 

That reproductive dynamic is based on a polarity between female and male. It's a binary. Right or wrong, good or bad, it's just the way it is and while I believe there are many things that can change over time (and many things I am grateful for having changed), I don't believe the core of the religion can shift away from the reproductive dynamic and have it still be Traditional Wicca. 

Now, there are some branches of Wicca that don't follow the reproductive dynamic. One in particular was set up, from the beginning, just a couple of years ago, to be very specifically non-binary. And I think that's awesome! (In fact, at some point, I hope to cross-train with them because I want to know more.) 

But by and large, Traditional Wicca is about the binary. 

Binary, however, is not the same thing as "heteronormative" (which is roughly defined as anything that makes "heterosexuality the normal or preferred orientation"). Heteronormative has become something of a bad word in our evolving culture and the era of increased sensitivity. You probably have already gleaned that I think sometimes we go too far. I want to be clear that I absolutely do NOT think it's a bad thing to be expanding our awareness; anything that sets up heterosexuality as the "preferred" or "normal" sexuality is absolutely Bad. Human sexuality exists on a spectrum. Gender, orientation, sexual orientation....it's a beautiful blur of rainbow colors. 

If you know your myths, there are plenty of Gods out there who exist on a spectrum, too! 

It's just that Wicca was set up, from the beginning, to work with a particular dynamic in Nature. That dynamic is binary. It's about the male-female polarity, not the beautiful rainbow in between. There is plenty of room for that rainbow in the humans who practice Wicca. Our Gods (and priesthood) don't ask us to conform to heterosexuality. Gay couples run Covens. Transgender people are accepted as they are. Things actually only get sticky when trying to find a space for Intersex and Gender-fluid folks. I have not (yet, I expect to eventually) had to figure out a way to make that work--but the honest answer might be that certain Wiccan Traditions wouldn't be a good fit. 

And that's okay. I wouldn't expect a Christian to fit into every Christian denomination either. Imagine a Southern Baptist in a Catholic church or vice versa! At the very least, there's likely to be some discomfort; some people will work though it and focus on the Big Picture; other people have different needs and they have every right to have those needs met--somewhere else. That's the thing. I absolutely believe in inclusivity and will always make space in my Circles and Ves for those who wish to be there--but part of being there means accepting the dynamic of the ritual, the Coven/Grove/Congregation/Kindred. It means working within the established paradigm and being able to connect to the egregore of the group and religion. If they can't, I believe in helping people find a place that's a better fit for them, because even when all things are "perfect", not every Tradition or even every Coven within that denomination s the right fit for everyone who comes in the door. 

And that's okay. Find what works for you. 

Loki

In a lot of ways, rekindling this blog is about honoring Loki, because He's a Guy who doesn't mince words, and one of the things He quite frequently challenges His followers to do is Speak UP. I'm not terribly good at speaking up. I'm an introvert. I'm not necessarily shy, but...well...I tend to listen more than I talk. So this is my place to talk and in doing so, I am hoping to honor my God. 

Which brings a lot of people 'round the inevitable "but isn't Loki a Bad Guy?" 

Well...maybe. 

But let's start with the obvious: forget the Marvel Universe. Or...you know, understand that they got a lot of stuff wrong, which is totally okay. It's called "artistic license." But there are a few important things to get straight, right off the bat. 

Number One is actually that we don't know a whole lot about Loki from the original lore. We don't know a whole lot about most of the Gods from the original sources. We don't have a whole lot of original source material to go, none of it was written down by Pagans, very little was written down in the Pagan era (what was, was written by outsiders looking in, not always sympathetically, at the Norse culture) and none of it is written in English, modern or otherwise. That means that for those of us in the English-speaking world, the primary sources are not quite primary, since we're viewing them through the lens of a translator and if you've ever taken a foreign language class in school, you have some concept of how tricky that can be. Most of what we have is written in the Christian era. The material may be older, but the writers were looking at their world through a Christian lens; their goal was preserving their heritage, not the religion of other people's Gods. And that's totally fair. 

In addition to all of the above, the Norse storytellers didn't seem all that concerned with continuity in their stories about the Gods, so the mythic equivalent of "fanfiction" was completely acceptable. Or, to (loosely) quote Olaf/Baldr from The Almighty Johnsons: Norse mythology is a bunch of stories made up by drunk men sitting around a campfire. I'm not positive we can take absolutely everything that has come down to us as "gospel" (and ultimately, it was all somebody's UPG, i.e. Unsubstantiated Personal Gnosis). 

That doesn't mean I suggest throwing the Primary Sources (the Eddas and Sagas) out the window. I should not discuss in public how much money I spend on books on the subject! (Actually, my husband as a pretty good idea and cringes every time I buy a book, because most of the books that I buy on the subject aren't cheap; it's gotten to the point where I feel good about "only" spending $50 on something from the TONIS or Viking series!) What it means is that I take the original lore with the same grain of salt as I take contemporary UPG. 

It's also vital to remember that ON culture didn't weigh "good" and "evil" the same way most modern cultures do. So yeah, Loki was (is) a bit of a rebel, an Outsider, and not exactly a "good guy"--but He's not a "bad guy" either (and please do NOT get me started on Oðinn; this idea that He was the "good guy" is laughable; don't misunderstand, I love Him, but to say that He's the Hero and Loki is the villain--or even that Thorr is the ultimate "Heroic Good Guy"--is to overlook a LOT of lore). 

Honestly, some mangled lore aside, I rather think that the Marvel MCU has done an excellent job of capturing the spirit of Loki. 

But let's untangle a little of the mangled lore; I'll keep it short, in case you've heard this before. 

Loki's father is generally believed to be Farbauti, who is probably some sort of Fire Jötun. The name Farbauti translates roughly to "Cruel Striker", which possibly alludes to lightning. 

Loki's mother is Laufey. Some scholars suggest something like "leafy isle" as the translation/meaning of Her name, but it's not universal. It's unclear whether She is a Jotun or Goddess or something else entirely. 

Which is another point: there isn't as much separating the Jötunar from the Æsir Gods. Oðinn is descended from Buri, a mysterious figure who emerged from beneath the same ice that formed the Primordial Giant (or Jötun) Ymir; Buri took as his mate one of Ymir's children. Their son, Bor, took as his mate one of Ymir's grandchildren (or possibly great-grandchildren). That makes the original Æsir something like three-quarter Jötun. (All of this according to Snorri, one of those Christians writing in the Christian era, seeking to preserve his heritage.) The primary difference between the Jötnar and the Gods is their temper, which is the only way they are finally recognized for what they are in the lore. And let's face it, several of the Gods are known for their mighty tempers as well. Perhaps it's a genetic trait.... 

At some point in the lore, in a story story did not survive, Loki and Oðinn swore an Oath that one would not drink unless the Other was also served (according to the poem Lokasenna). In multiple stories, Loki is a travelling companion of both Thorr and Oðinn. Many contemporary scholars speculate that Loki may be the same Deity as the mysterious (as in not much is said about Him) Loðurr, who (in the poem Voluspa) gifted mankind with "beautiful colors" (Kvilhaug's translation) or "vitality" (a more common rendering), or perhaps "good looks" or "features" (another common rendering), or possibly "life-blood" or "heat".

önd gaf Óðinn, óð gaf Hœnir,
lá gaf Lóðurr ok litu góða

Any one of those translations fits with what we know of Loki, who is (likely) descended from a Fire Jötun and (possibly) a leafy/earthy Goddess/Jötun. Loki Himself is known to have a quick wit and fiery disposition. (There is a tremendous amount of debate about whether Loki and Logi are the same Deity or not, and whether or not Loki's name is related to "fire" or to "spider" or to something else entirely; to my mind, the jury is still out on the etymology. What I do "know" is that fire seems to be a common association and I have had personal visions of spiders in connection to Loki or possibly Laufey and/or Her ancestry, but have only barely begun to scratch the surface or the research needed to "confirm" that to my rational mind's satisfaction.)

Taking on faith that there is a connection, whether or not it is in the etymology of His name, between Loki and fire, I think we come close to the heart of the Loki's character. Fire is necessary for warmth--but it is dangerous. We use fire to heat our homes and cook our meals, to light the long winter nights--but not respected, not properly tended, not cared for and looked after, fire will burn us to the ground. 

And sometimes, we need a little destruction in our lives. Sometimes we have to burn something to the ground in order to build something new on top of it. That is almost always a terrifying prospect and a frightening experience. 

So yeah, Loki scares some people. He should. He is a boundary pushing, world shaking, lock breaking, truth speaking (I know what Snorri says, but I have reason to doubt it), Outsider. He is a gender-bending, shape-shifting, flame-tongued God who is fiercely protective of His children and willing to burn it all to the ground when He deems it necessary. 

And if you think for a second that He's the only God who can be capricious or dangerous, you don't know the stories very well. While I don't think we can take the whole of the lore as "gospel", I don't believe we can cherry-pick either. Rather, I take each story as if it contains a kernel of truth at it's center and lots of embellishment. I try to find that truth, to the best of my ability, and above all, I try to listen to and honor my Gods. 

I'm a Lokean and I love my wild, beautiful, glorious God with everything that I am and all that I possess. 

What it means to be Gardnerian

Subtitle: Murky Waters Ahead....

First and foremost, the Gardnerian Tradition is Oathbound and Secret. That means there are a lot of things I simply can't (and won't) say. On the other hand, I'm a big fan of walking right up to the line and putting my big fat toe right on it. 

The thing is, I won't always tell you when I'm standing on the line or staying way over on my side of it. I won't cross the line...except that the line is, in many cases, in a slightly different place for every other Gardnerian out there. (Not just "different from me"; different from each other. There are some things I think we all pretty much agree on; other things, not so much.)

That's really the first Big (not so) Secret Thing: there are almost no universal opinions in Gardnerian Wica. We are nothing if not fiercely independent and our covens are autonomous, so beyond a few things that we've all more or less agreed are "core" to the Tradition, each coven is free to do things in the way that works for them. And we wouldn't have it any other way!

At this point, I should clarify that as of this writing, I am a Second Degree Witch and High Priestess. If you're fuzzy on what that means, don't sweat it. See Big Secret Thing above. (In a nutshell, what being Second Degree means a few very basic things more or less universally, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, day-to-day stuff, it means exactly what your coven decides it means. That is, in my opinion, as it should be. (For those who haven't read any number of a handful of books that explain these things, there are three Degrees in most Traditions of Witchcraft, mainly because so many of those Traditions are directly related to or take their inspiration from Gardnerian Craft. The nitty-gritty of it will vary from coven to coven, but essentially, I'm "in the middle"; I don't have my own coven; I belong to someone else's. She's pretty aware that I'm a bit of a rabble rouser who just simply never got the hang of the whole Secrecy thing--but that I would never break my Oath. I believe that part of what makes any Tradition special to its members is that there are things are uniquely ours; I wouldn't ruin that for others.) )

At THIS point, I want to state my reason for writing this post in the first place, so let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time, a couple of decades ago, I belonged to a coven that claimed to be Gardnerian. They are still active; you can even find them on Witchvox. I was with them for over 10 years. I ignored several red flags ("There are no American Gardnerians [besides us]"; "Don't talk to anyone who claims to be Gardnerian"; "Don't go looking for other Gardnerians (they don't exist in your country, remember?") )  I should have been smarter--but this was before I was really on social media and before Facebook was a thing. 

Eventually, there were too many red flags to ignore so I left and was happily solitary for a while, getting my feet back under me, reconnecting to Deity. I even started a little Eclectic Circle (that ultimately failed in the way covens sometimes do). The dead-last thing I was looking for after that was "another" Gardnerian Coven. But I loved the people and was willing to give it a go--and lo and behold, they are nothing like the group I'd left behind. More shockingly, I discovered that there are, indeed,  LOTS of American Gardnerians. Like seriously lots. Like there's a joke about a particular city that you can't swing a cat in without hitting a Gardnerian! And we talk. And we gather. And we exchange information. And I am so grateful to be here, because I love my crazy, extended Family like you wouldn't believe. 

To the very best of my knowledge no one on either side of the Atlantic will vouch for my former priestess. That could mean lots of things, but the Big (sad) Thing is that no one in that coven (it's still functioning, remember) will ever be a part of the greater Gardnerian Family (without being adopted and starting over the way I was and did, at least). What that also means (and this is a Very Big Deal) is that there could very well be people out there who believe they've been legitimately initiated into the Gardnerian Family who aren't Gardnerian at all. These people could well be (albeit it unwittingly) perpetuating the lie--and the cycle. 

See, the (not so) Secret Thing Two (that you might already have picked up on) is that being Gardnerian means being part of a much greater Family. It means belonging to a community that stretches across the globe. But that means someone has to be able (and willing) to stand up and say "Yes, that's one of mine, I initiated her" or, "yes, I was there when they were initiated, they're Family". And in this day and age of electronic communication, it's much easier to find (or not) someone to vouch for you than in pre-social media days. I strongly recommend anyone looking for legitimate, vouched for Gardnerians to check out Gardnerian Wicca Seekers and Initiates on Facebook. (There's a similar group for Alexandrian Seekers and Initiates). If memory serves, it's "closed" (membership must be approved) but not "secret" (anyone can find it). 

So what does it mean to be Gardnerian? 

It means being part of something that is greater than the sum of it's parts. It means being part of a Family. It means understanding that no family is perfect, but loving each other, anyway. It means family drama and family politics sometimes take centerstage because we're human and humans do what we sometimes do; we're not perfect. It means being initiated into a Coven that can trace it's lineage directly (and verifiably) back to Gerald Gardner. It may mean you have to travel some distance to meet with a coven. We can't all swing a cat and hit a Gardnerian. 

It may mean different things to different people (although the idea of "family" seems to be one of the few universal constants among the Gardnerians I know). It may mean being isolated because there are a lot of crazy rumors about what we do, rumors we probably don't help by our fierce protection of our secrets--but if I told you, really, our secrets are only relevant to the way we do things and wouldn't mean much to anyone else, you might not believe me because I can't tell you the secrets! It's a viscous circle, but it is what it is.

One of the other Big Universal (not so secret) Things is that we're all about the binary, the polarity. God and Goddess. Male and Female. Knife and Cup. I'm not saying that's the only way to roll, but it's how we roll and if that doesn't work for you, you're likely not a good fit. (And I am definitely not saying we're not totally open and welcoming to LGBTQI people. We're still figuring some of this out, especially in terms of how to make space for people on various parts of the gender spectrum to fit into our Circles, but my personal experience has been that gay men, lesbians, and transgender folks have found homes here. I suspect there will be a lot of conversations in the future and that ultimately, each coven will have to come to its own conclusions.)

For me, Wicca in general (and therefore Gardnerian Wica by necessity) is a religion. That is not necessarily a unanimous idea. But to my mind Wicca in general provides us with one way to approach the Gods, one framework of worship, one path to experiencing the Mysteries. It is not the ONLY way, however, and it isn't even my only spiritual practice. However, personally, I don't find any conflict between Shamanism and Wicca or my Norse practice and Wicca. I'm a polytheist. I believe in the existance of many Gods. In Gardnerian Circles, I work with, honor, and rejoice in the Gods of that Tradition and Circle. There is nothing in Gardnerian Craft that prevents a person from working with other Gods (although your Gods may have Their own geasa for you). In other places, I honor the Gods appropriate to the time and place--although I believe it's fair to say Loki and Hel are always with me (and I love Them for it). 

Being Gardnerian means respecting the Secrets of the Tradition because those Secrets are special to the people in it--and (not so) Secret Thing Number Four is that even if I told you the secrets, you really cannot "get it" until you've "done it". Wicca in all it's varieties is experiential. Being there, doing the stuff with the things--that's where the Secret lies. Not in the words. (But no, I'm not going to tell you the words.) Or to quote Doreen Valiente's "Charge of the Goddess": "If that which you seek, you find not within thee, you shall never find it outside of thee." 

If you don't find the Gods in your heart, it doesn't matter what Tradition you follow or what words are on the page. Being initiated into a Tradition makes you a part of that Tradition. Whether or not you're a witch is between you and your Gods. 

I'm going to end by saying something potentially controversial (although it shouldn't be and I sort of hinted at it a few paragraphs ago). Being Gardnerian isn't the end-all, be-all. It is NOT the only wonderful, valid, worthwhile Tradition out there and it is NOT for everyone. Not every coven in any given Tradition is for everyone, either. You have to find what works for YOU. There are a whole bunch of considerations to bear in mind. 

That's why it boggles my mind that anyone feels the need to lie about whether or not they're Gardnerian (or Alexandrian, or whatever). You can be every bit as connected to the Gods all on your own; some people prefer it that way. Some prefer a more Eclectic practice. It's ALL good (as long as you're honest about what you're doing). 

Edit:
I thought I had this post in the can, then someone said something and I decided I may need to add a few more details about Gardnerian Wiccca, speaking as someone on the inside.

Oh, and some of this may piss people off. So be it.

By all accounts, Gerald was a rather eclectic fellow. (Eep! the "E" Word!!) He did eventually put together something beautiful and cohesive, but he drew from lots of sources and "eeps" aside, I'm pretty sure all Gardnerians know that. Trying to 'splain things to is isn't likely to go over well.

Gerald's had some amazing initiates who added some wonderful pieces of ritual poetry and ideas to the Book(s). I'm pretty sure this isn't a secret either.

I Gerald 100% certain he was initiated into something. I am 100% certain we will never know exactly what that something was. I am 100% hoping Philip Heselton will write that book on "Old Dorothy"--and 100% grateful to him for the work he's done with Gerald's and Doreen's biographies.

Aleister Crowley did not write the Gardnerian BoS. Why are we even still having this debate?

The Dark Side of the Me Too Movement

We live in a really strange era. There are a lot of truly amazing things happening--and a lot of truly dark things. And sometimes good things have very dark sides. 

Let me start out by saying point blank that I am all for the Me Too Movement. We MUST ALWAYS listen to and take allegations of abuse and sexual misconduct seriously. We MUST ensure that every victim is heard. We MUST investigate thoroughly and impartially, sweeping nothing under the rug. We must always make space for victims to feel safe. There are genuine predators in the Pagan Community; we are not impervious. We cannot allow them to flourish; we cannot allow their actions to go unchecked. We are all too often willing--eager--to believe that it can't happen to us, but it can. It has. It does. We are just as human as the next guy; that means our community is filled with the good, the bad, and--unfortunately--the ugly. 

But key words here are that we must investigate these allegations "thoroughly" and "impartially". 

I like that last one a lot. 

Not so long ago, a Big Name Pagan caused a huge disruption in my local community by starting a witch hunt against someone, in the name of "sexual abuse". Now, the someone (much like the more famous case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard) is not a saint.  I'm not 100% certain exactly how things started, only that it was instigated with the help of an angry ex-girlfriend or two, with no evidence (or rather, evidence that got conveniently erased or lost). The Angry Ex and the BNP rounded up a bunch of angry people (because when you're not a saint, you piss people off) and compiled a ludicrous dossier. I know it's ludicrous because I've read it. What makes it ludicrous isn't so much the allegations, but the way in which it was compiled. Ask the right people the right questions and you'll get the answers you're looking for--further, more use the right language when you present the final document to people and you will definitely get the reactions you're looking for. You don't have to be a professional to know you don't use phrases like "Victim #1 said Abuser did X" if you're being impartial. 

When this document was presented around town, the Victims were left unnamed, so even if someone did want to follow up with an independent investigation, it would not have been possible--although as far as I could ever see, no one even bothered trying. Anyone with an axe to grind (remember, the Accused is not a saint) jumped on board. It was a train wreck--and frankly, it could have caused far more damage than it did (although it caused plenty). 

But I'm not here to talk about the damage done to the Accused. She is a strong woman who is beautifully living her life and I'm proud of her for it, and for the graceful way she conducted herself through the shit-storm. While the Angry Ex was busy stirring the pot, keeping people angry (even though most people in the General Public were on her side), the Accused was busy getting on with life. 

What I want to talk about is the damage this has done to the Community--and to my heart (and I suspect the hearts of many others). 

In some ways, we got lucky. This whole ugly affair didn't cause a (public) rift. It didn't start a Witch War--despite the best efforts of the BNP, who continues to stir the pot. Every single time things start to die down, she (or one of the others directly involved) makes some barbed public statement, because somehow, no victory is going to be victory enough. Yes, she was politely asked not to be a Guest Speaker at an event shortly after her witch-hunt began. (What she'll say publically is that she was just trying "to do the right thing" and protect the "victims by outing a sexual predator" -- what she doesn't mention is that her victim was also asked not to present at the same event -- and removed from staff for the year.)

(Why precisely the same Committee welcomed the BNP back for another event is beyond me....but that is quite literally, not my circus and not my monkeys!)

In case you're wondering why a BNP would attack with a local presenter...well, the honest answer is that I have no idea. It was clear from the statements that both ex-lovers and ex-housemates had axes to grind (I wonder how many of my exes could say incriminating things about me? How about you?) The thing is, that almost NO ONE in the community went to the Accused to say "I heard this thing, and I'm wondering if we could talk about it because I really want to hear your side." That's the dark side of the Me Too Movement--although it's not new. An accusation doesn't have to be true to get people to turn on someone. (Also, if you ask the right people, the right questions, and write it up in the right way--and no one ever checks the alleged victims statements, which were given to most people with the names redacted anyway--it's seriously easy to get a modern-day version of a lynch mob together.) 

The reason the community wasn't torn apart is that there were a number of people trying desperately to contain the damage, to work together, to keep the peace. The Accused wasn't  quite hung out to dry (which is why, I believe, the BNP keeps trying to stir the pot)--but neither was she defended. We were all too sensitive to the Me Too Movement to speak out against the alleged victims (not that most people got to see their names anyway). We--rightly--do not want to victim-blame or victim-shame, or make real victims feel unsafe coming forward. And here in the Pagan community, we have other concerns as well. We don't have the greatest track record, internally (Kenny Klein), and we're determined to do better.

We also (most of us) have lived through at least one Witch War and we don't want another one, even when we know the Accused isn't guilty of what they've been charged with. So we worked together with the accusers. We made concessions. We compromised our integrity and didn't stand with the falsely-Accused "for the good of the community." We didn't want to see it torn apart. 

We were wrong. And I was a part of that "we" -- until I wasn't. Until I couldn't bend or compromise away another shred of honor, another fiber of morality. 

There are a number of things I am having problems with in my local community, and this is one of them. Sometimes, you have got to stand up for what's right, even when it's unpopular. Even when it's going to cause a war--because sometimes war is justified. Sometimes the Accused is the Victim, and they have as much right to be heard as their accusers. 

I stepped away from the community after the BNP was asked to be the Big Name Presenter at another local event (sponsored by the very same committee she smeared on social media, not a few weeks before) -- after the Temple I was connected to supported that event publically, giving tacit approval to the BNP and her antics. 

I stepped away from my community after because too many people were either too willing to compromise their ethics in the name of peace or too happy to jump on the band wagon without even bothering to hear both sides. 

The Big Name Pagan is Michelle Belanger. The primary Event is ConVocation. (The secondary one was some sort of Spring Fling, that honestly, I wouldn't have gone to anyway, because it's not my cuppa.) The Committee is MEC. The organization I was a board member of is Pagan Pathways Temple. (I am also a former board member of MEC). My community is in Metro Detroit--and I am withdrawing a little more from it every single day, for Lots of Reasons. This was the tipping point for me, I am only ashamed it took me as long as it did to say "enough, I'm done." 

As painful as Witch Wars are, maybe this time we needed one. Maybe this was something that should have been worth fighting for. Maybe more of us should have stood up loud and proud for the Accused -- although to be fair, my understanding is that the Accused wasn't too keen on the idea. I can't say as I blame her. I think mostly I'm angry at myself for not taking a stronger public position sooner. (Privately, I made no bones about my feelings.) 

And the honest truth is that there are no perfect solutions. When these things happen (they have always happened and they will always continue to happen), we frequently only hear one side. When the "documentation" comes from a BNP (one who came to us with glowing endorsements from established Pagans with solid reputations) -- and when it's phrased very carefully -- it's easy to believe. It's easy to jump on the band wagon.

It's easy to not want to cause ripples in the community. 

I know it's difficult to listen to someone who is Accused of sexual misconduct, especially when that someone isn't a saint. It's even more difficult to question the accusers' motives because we want to believe that no one would make those kinds of accusations if they weren't true.

But people lie. People have their words taken out of context. Or are twisted around so completely that they don't even recognize that THEY were the unnamed Victim when they read the document. 

So I would caution everyone reading this to be wary of their knee-jerk reactions. Learn to listen. To think. To ask questions. And yes, to always make the complainant feel safe and heard--but to never take a story at face value without doing your own homework because sometimes the real victim is actually the Accused. And newsflash: no one is immune from these sorts of accusations; it could be you some day. I suggest we ALL remember that the next time we're tempted to jump on the band wagon before we've heard all the evidence (which can take months, if not years, to all come to the surface). 

We have to be willing to make unpopular choices. 

My choice is to stand by someone who isn't a saint--but who isn't an abuser, either. My choice is to point out the problems with the alleged investigation, from start to finish, and the lack of follow-up before condemnations were made. My choice is to speak my mind, however belatedly, and go with my conscience. 

My choice is to remind people that there is a Dark Side to everything. 

More on Cultural Appropriation

The last thing I expected when I re-visited this blog was to be talking about my take on cultural appropriation again. It's a year later and I have lots to say--I also would have expected we would have put this beast to bed already.

But sadly, it's not the case.

Now, I'm going to be clear again: I'm still unpacking my personal baggage. I'm not perfect. I'm also a cis white woman "of a certain age" from the suburbs.  I'm bi/pan--but I'm married to a man, so most people I meet on the street assuming I'm straight. I know I wield a tremendous amount of privilege.

So here goes. 

Recently, we had an uproar over Witch Doctor Utu as a presenter. I don't know Utu. I had barely groked that he was a white dude until the bruhaha erupted in my neck of the woods. (Apparently his tradition--as in the one he created--is based around channeling the spirit of Harriet Tubman....or something. I know it involves Ms. Tubman and...well, he's a white dude. I'm sure you can see where some people would take issue with this.) I listened to arguments on both sides and I'm still not sure what I think of Utu. I didn't happen to attend any of his classes, not on principle, but because there are only so many hours during the day at any given festival, and there were other things I was more interested in doing. His Path simply isn't mine, so I wasn't terribly interested. 

The situation sparked a number of good conversations, so in that respect, it served a purpose. Here's my take on some of those conversations:

Someone else (paraphrased): "I was at Dame's class last year and she made a really good point. If you want to borrow money, my grandmother might lend it to you--but she'd more likely lend it to me. You should ask your own grandmother." (I.e. you should go to the Gods of your OWN Ancestors for things, not the Gods of other people's Ancestors.)

Me: "You never met my grandmother." Seriously, SHE decided who she lent money to. It wasn't her OWN children. (No, really, my mother and her sister are dicks.). She did, however, adopt one of my friends as an honorary granddaughter. My Mother-in-Law has "adopted" a number of children from other mothers and their children are just as much her grandchildren as those related by blood. My daughter, who is her "step" grandchild isn't treated any differently than her biological grandchildren. 

Spirit gets to decide who It responds to and how, not us. If you're drawn to the Gods of somebody else's Ancestors, there's probably a reason for it.

Now, in the case of Ms. Tubman, we're obviously talking about the Mighty Dead, which might be a little trickier when it comes to blood, culture, and appropriation--but let me say it again: you never met my grandmother. I would never be so foolish as to tell her who she could and could not lend money to. That's not to say anyone should go grabbing things willy-nilly from other traditions and that we ALL shouldn't spend time unpacking our baggage and that white people don't benefit from privilege (and that we don't owe it to POC to fix a SYSTEM that is racist)--I'm just not sure that I'm in the right place to judge someone else's relationship to any particular Spirit. (Utu seems to have some support in the Afro-Caribbean community, which makes me more willing to give him, in particular, the benefit of the doubt.) 

In the ongoing project of unpacking my bags, I came across an article that didn't quite say white people shouldn't practice yoga--but it came awfully damned close. After all, when you think of yoga instructors, what springs to mind? Blond women in Lulu Lemon gear. Yet yoga originated in the East, and at one time was practiced almost exclusively by brown people. Doesn't that mean we white people have stolen it? Is that really right? Should we give up yoga? Meditation? 

Where does it stop? 

How did it start? 

I shied away from anything resembling Shamanism for decades, long before we were clued into cultural appropriation only to have Spirit smack me upside the head AND learn that "shaman" is a word of convenience brought to us by anthropologists, and that ALL ancient peoples had some sort of spirit-worker.  

I'm NOT suggesting throwing sensitivity out the window, but I think we need to apply some common sense as well. 

To my mind, "appropriation" is clearly, painfully obviously racist things like black-face; it's taking what isn't yours without acknowledging and HONORING the source, without giving credit where credit is due. It's not using what you've borrowed to draw attention to where we have failed those cultures. It's also more subtle things, like failing to respect other cultures; it's taking one thing that you like (let's say "Taco Tuesday"), but not checking your THINKING (as well as your words and actions) regarding Hispanic/Latin culture--it's assuming all Latin cultures are the same. 

We can all do better.

I'm working on doing better.

But I don't think that means we stop doing yoga or meditating any more than I think only Jewish men over 40 have the right to study the Qabala, or that POC shouldn't be welcome in Wicca or Norse Heathenry--or anywhere else they feel drawn to go. Maybe I can only say this because I'm coming from a place of privilege, but let's make MORE room at the table, not less.