Who the F_#K is ths broad?

Hi.

I'm not going to give you my life's story here, just a few salient highlights. 

My name is Helen Barbara Pattskyn, aka H.B. Pattskyn, originally known....no, scratch that. Secondarily known (on legal documents) as Barbara Celia McGrath. And if you think you can use that information to scam me, think again. 

I was born in 1969--feel free to do the math on what age that makes me today. I'm not going to come back and re-do my bio every year, just to say how old I am. 

I'm a double Capricorn (both Moon and Sun are in Capricorn) with a Scorpio rising. Consider yourself warned. 

In my younger, sweeter days, I was probably seen as "nice"; I still tend to think of myself that way, but I'm more willing to let the Scorpio side come out as I get older. I'm more willing to let Capricorn keep me safe and sound behind closed doors, too. I don't think of this as jaded so much as wiser to the assholes of the world. Oh yeah. I swear. This is my blog. Deal with it (or move along, your choice). 

Let's get to that "Witch" part, shall we? Because I am one, and I don't mean in the colloquial sense of the word. I am a Goddess (and God) worshipping, tree-hugging, crystal toting, tarot reading, spell casting witch. It's in my bones and in my blood. 

I'm not going to slam the religion of my birth (Christianity), I'll just leave that story with "it wasn't the right fit for me." Once upon a midnight dreary....no, not really. It was actually a bright afternoon and I was reading a YA book (being a YA at the time) and something strange and ancient sang to my soul. My soul sang back. I didn't recognize the song for what it was until a few years later when I stumbled across a book by Scott Cunningham in the bookstore (back when we actually had those, in malls no less). It felt instantly "right". I was home. 

As with all journeys, there were some stumbled steps along the way. I may or may not get into those at some point in a future blog post.

Oh who am I kidding. I'm almost certain to talk about that shit, because young seekers need a warning. But I'll save that for later. For now, suffice it to say, I have an exceedingly low tolerance for Cults of Personality and bullshit. 

As a general rule, when someone claims to be a "Wiccan-Shaman-Druid, I've had ten initiations!" I roll my eyes--unless they've been doing this for a while. That's why I'm okay with saying A) I'm an initiated Witch and High Priestess (Gardnerian), B) I'm a Shamanic Practitioner and  C) I am a Loki-worshipping Iviðia. 

That last one is a Norse word that (as of this very moment) best describes my practice. The word was used in ON lore alternately to describe a witch, sorceress, or troll-woman. I chose it over straight-up Lokean because while I am most definitely Lokean, the name doesn't quite fit as well as a word that essentially breaks down to "in wood" and is sometimes translated as "witch in wood" (or something like "tree-witch").

I am also a fairly hard polytheist with a lot of household Gods. (A friend once remarked that They're not like Pokémon, you don't have to collect Them "all" -- but...well, I tend to feel that if I've worked with a Deity for a sufficient length of time, the very least I owe Them is a glass of wine and a lit candle once in a while.) 

I came to Wicca via Scott Cunningham in 1989. I came to Shamanism between 1999 and 2000. I came to Loki and the Norse Gods via a renewed interest in the runes somewhere around 2002. I came to Gardnerian Wicca via a coven in SE Michigan sometime around 2012/2013. 

I have presented classes and public rituals in SE Michigan for almost three decades--and yet, I find myself withdrawing more and more from my local neo-Pagan community because I am increasingly unsettled by the direction it is headed (see the above statements about Cults of Personality). It has been suggested that rather than withdrawing, I should stay and fight, but frankly, I'm running out of f*cks to give (and remaining years this spin round on the merry-go-round of life) on "fighting" people who (as near as I can tell) are perfectly happy with the direction the sea-steed is headed. It feels far more productive (not to mention sane) to let them go their way as I go mine. I'm not vanishing, just... conserving my energy and giving it only to those who truly want it. I have a fabulous home with my Gardnerian Family and some amazing friends in other communities who have made a place for me around their Hearth Fire.